The Journey to Maritial Bliss

As you know from a previous post, I have committed myself to reading Dr. Gary Smalley's Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage.  My first impression of Dr. Smalley was a great one.  He was one of the keynote speakers at Premier Design's National Rally this July, and I loved what he had to say on building lasting relationships and overcoming the anger in our lives. 

He told great stories of rasing his children.  My favorite thing he shared was about making sure his family had "family values" that consisted of 1. Love God  2. Love each other 3. Love God's Creation.  He said he would often say to one of his children, "Quick, tell me what is the most important thing in this world!"  And his children would roll their eyes and say, "We know Dad...love God, love each other and love God's creation."  There were many more wonderful examples of instilling the love and focus on God in the life of the family.

So, when I picked up his book to begin reading, I was a bit taken-aback (okay, appalled really) when I skimmed the table of contents and realized that the book was written in two parts - one for husband's and one for wives.  But that was not the part that stopped me in my tracks, oh no!  It was the fact that were ONLY 12 chapters for men and 16 for women!  Like we as women need more work than men on this little thing called marriage...  Now, I am not too much of an "I am woman, hear me roar!" advocate, but this sent my kettle steaming.  And I honestly can't tell you why this bothered me, but it did.

So, where did I start my reading?  You guessed it, at the beginning of the men's section.  I just had to know what he was telling them they had to do to unlock those hidden keys of marriage.  And boy was I shocked...

He lays it out on the table just like it is, saying that the main problem with men is that they do not share the tenderness, gentleness and understanding that women need.  However, he then goes on to say that one of the main reasons that marriages fail is because women have built up a fantasy of "storybook" expectations. 

Boy, how many times have I thought to myself, "Hmm, this is not what I was expecting 'better or worse' to be about!"  Especially when things don't go the way I had dreamed them to be.

So far I have made notes on the fact that I need to make sure my perception of Mike and my relationship is grounded solidly on God's good book, the Bible, and not my own storybook.